Day 188

Look at the world around you.  What do you see?  Want to know what I see?  To the exact left of the key board there's a  BYU notebook and a box of Muddy Bears... Traces left from a late night of studying.  To the right is my favorite Victoria's Secret lotion.  Then on the abstract book case next to that is our eclectic DVD collection and a few nick knacks   Then there's the window that Jack likes to spend his time sleeping in.  Then the ugly chair I couldn't leave DI without buying and the UGLY couch Payne couldn't leave Savers without.  Then there's the "Over the door Organizer" for our shoes that I NEVER seem to put my shoes back on.  (That drives Payne crazy but not as crazy as me NEVER hanging my towel up)  Then there's the kitchen where I cook and Payne cleans.  A deal we made the day we were married.  I would do 90% cooking and 10% dishes if he did 90% dishes and took me out to eat when it was his turn for the 10% cooking.  If you look on our walls you'll see pictures of us from our wedding, the wedding certificates, and random quotes about love.  I think about what life would be without my Payne.  How lonely it would be.  He drives me absolutely insane but THATS WHY I LOVE HIM.  I love you Payne.  I love you more in this moment than I ever thought I could the day we promised eternity.  And it gets bigger everyday...

Day 187

Only 178 more days to go of this experiment. And yet today I find myself staring into darkness. Its not something I willingly talk about but yet I feel the need to. I dont know how to exactly how to come out and say it but you may understand after reading this post.

Today was my day off. It was a day filled with errands, chores, meals to make, and friends to see. But I woke up sick to my stomach. Not really able to pinpoint what was the culprit I stayed in bed while Payne ran to the dollar store to pick up some Saltines and some bleach spray. (To make me feel better and for part of my chores.) Then he was off to work. After that things start to go dark and dreary. You see I never really fully got out of bed today. Didnt take a shower. Still in my pajamas now. Counting the minutes till I can reasonably say Im going to bed. Because tomorrows another day and theres plenty of people out there waiting for me to do my thing so they can do theirs. People depending on me. And because I am a people pleaser I do it. I get up and do the things everyone else wants me to do. Sure Ill work a few extra hours. Sure Ill clean even though Im exhausted. Sure Ill get up two hours early just to make sure I do everything everyone else needs done. Im not a mom but I feel the burdens already. Run people here. Pick up something there. Go to work but worry about the Husband. Did the cat get fed today??

Its exhausting.

I know everyone goes through it. But I'm just letting you know that if you read that Facebook status dont make it about you. It isnt. Its simply stating how I feel about life in general. If I dont answer my phone its because I really don't want to talk to you or listen to you tell me about a disappointment. If I dont text you back right away its because im asleep or not in the mood. If I blow off our plans its because of ME not YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop trying to guilt me into everything. I constantly feel belittled...

So I think I'll go to bed now

DAY 175!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy cow Batman! Were almost halfway through the year since I started this blog! But I do have to share some pictures I stumbled across...

This one is of Emily and myself. This was taken in 2006 I believe. Shes was my first roommate EVER!

This one is of Me, Amy, and Emily. We had a thing for knee socks back then. This was taken in 2006 as well...

That year was the most insane year because Emily and I went on so many road trips to Idaho. And thats when she became one of my best friends. Now were both old and married. She has a cutie pie little boy who makes me smile! I love spending time with her and her little family. Im crossing my fingers that they will soon be moving back down to Provo!!! Thats also when I met my first Canadian (Amy). Shes the craziest girl I ever lived with! I miss her alot but hope that she is doing well.

Anyways... Things are great here in our world. Payne and I are both working for VIVINT. If you have NO idea what that is heres a link to the website... We love the company and all that they stand for. The catch phrase for all their advertisements is "VIVINT. Live Intelligently" I work in the Account Creations department and Payne works in Service Support. I talk to Sales Reps and Service Technicians all day and he talks to Service Techs and answers emails all day. Okay so thats all I have for right now but things are finally starting to look up again...

Day 169

So Im thinking about alot of things we take for granted. Alot of missed opportunities. So as of April 1st I will be looking for every chance to experience life.

Day 163

Have you ever looked at your life and wondered whats to come?

I was watching The Buried Life last night on netflix and it got me thinking. I need to change a few things in my life to make my dreams possible. That means freeing up my weekends. That means finding a job that is a regular 9-5. That means a job that doesnt physically drain me and emotionally drain me. So here goes nothing... My next chapter in life. WOOHOO

Day... Oh I dont even know anymore....

So its been almost a month since ive posted and that is not what I am all about. So I am here to tell you all about the craziness in my life. Payne quit Olive Garden. Sometimes I want to strangle him but whatever. Theres not alot I can do about that. I have been having the worst time at the salon. All the pain from my shoulder, elbow, and wrist are getting to be too much and so I am looking to find a good office job and work there till the fall. Then high ho high ho its off to school I go. I don't know what to think about any of that right now. Its so much swimming around in my head. The stress of being the only one working at a job that is slowly killing my body is just no fun. Dont get me wrong. I love doing hair and will never truly stop doing it but this time I know that I need the break from it. Thats why I think its time for me to go back to school and get a degree. Then I can own salons and still be part of the industry and not work just behind the chair. So dont worry my cute little friends who are my biggest fans. I will still take care of you out of my house just not in a salon setting.

Which brings me to my next subject. I am so freaking excited for summer. Let me elaborate. Since moving to Utah the weather hasn't been about 40 degrees. EVEN WHEN THE FREAKING SUN IS OUT!!!!! Dont believe me? Heres a little pic to prove Im not crazy... Now mind you that forecast says its going to get warmer... YEAH... We shall see. Plus im also excited for summer because I bought the ultimate summer pass... AKA The Pass Of All Passes. Its a Seven Peaks and other locations party pass to get into anything for an entire year. So on saturday every weekend this summer you will find me floating in the lazy river with sunglasses on. Thats one other thing im looking forward to about a regular 8-5 monday thru friday job. WEEKENDS ARE FREE!!!!!!!!!!! We can actually go places and see our people. The only thing im worried about it Missys graduation. And Dillons graduation. OH GUESS WHAT?!?!

Yeah just thought I should mention that. Okay im over it... See ya!

Day 133

So it's been a little while since I've had the time to sit down and write. Life has been hectic with work, Payne's school, and his work as well. So here goes nothing... I took over managing a salon in Springville and I really like it except for a few hiccups... But that's not something I'm going to air out on the Internet. But the owner I work for is awesome. I like how he really trusts me and let's me run the salon. Missy, Payne's sister, came to visit last week. It was so nice to have her here for a few days. I felt horrible on Sunday because I slipped on the ice in front of our apartment and landed flat on my back. I think I had a minor concussion but I couldn't stand up straight or dress myself alone until yesterday. I'm so thankful for Payne and all he does for me. I haven't done any crafts lately but that's okay. I will soon. I am just getting used to all the changes and everything going on in life. But I do promise I will try harder about posting. I'm sorry. XOXO Jordan