Only 178 more days to go of this experiment. And yet today I find myself staring into darkness. Its not something I willingly talk about but yet I feel the need to. I dont know how to exactly how to come out and say it but you may understand after reading this post.
Today was my day off. It was a day filled with errands, chores, meals to make, and friends to see. But I woke up sick to my stomach. Not really able to pinpoint what was the culprit I stayed in bed while Payne ran to the dollar store to pick up some Saltines and some bleach spray. (To make me feel better and for part of my chores.) Then he was off to work. After that things start to go dark and dreary. You see I never really fully got out of bed today. Didnt take a shower. Still in my pajamas now. Counting the minutes till I can reasonably say Im going to bed. Because tomorrows another day and theres plenty of people out there waiting for me to do my thing so they can do theirs. People depending on me. And because I am a people pleaser I do it. I get up and do the things everyone else wants me to do. Sure Ill work a few extra hours. Sure Ill clean even though Im exhausted. Sure Ill get up two hours early just to make sure I do everything everyone else needs done. Im not a mom but I feel the burdens already. Run people here. Pick up something there. Go to work but worry about the Husband. Did the cat get fed today??
Its exhausting.
I know everyone goes through it. But I'm just letting you know that if you read that Facebook status dont make it about you. It isnt. Its simply stating how I feel about life in general. If I dont answer my phone its because I really don't want to talk to you or listen to you tell me about a disappointment. If I dont text you back right away its because im asleep or not in the mood. If I blow off our plans its because of ME not YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop trying to guilt me into everything. I constantly feel belittled...
So I think I'll go to bed now
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